An absolutely lovely Chinese doctor to me after my exam this week. Well your panels look fine, your blood pressure is in the high end of normal, your heart and respiratory sounds great, she said. So keep up with the weight loss, stick to your arthritis and allergy diets, do your knee exercises, elevate your damaged foot, take all your meds and maintain your masturbation regimen.

Blush.

That was the first time a beautiful women ever told me to maintain my masturbation regimen. Done vigorously and to conclusion, it’s excellent cardio, she said. Blush. Actually, it was the first time a beautiful woman doctor ever talked to me about masturbation at all, not to mention squeezed my testicles and vigorously prodded me about the prostate. Going to the doctor becomes much different when a man hits 65. Though many years ago an attractive woman doctor did tap my testicles and ask me my shoe size, but she and a few other doctors suspected I had some inevitably fatal glandular disease. She called me later. The tests were negative. I just had very large eyes, feet, and hands, she said. She left out testicles. I decided not to bring them up. But that was twenty years ago. I just remember the weirdness of standing in my boxer shorts as a attractive woman doctor tapped my testicles like a bongo drum and asked me my shoe size. Acromegaly, she wondered aloud. I didn’t know what that was. All I knew was that a lady doctor was tapping me on the nuts. Of course, twenty years ago that was a lot more exciting.