Monthly Archives: January 2017

A billion tiny cryogenic Bricks

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Speaking of Badlands National Park, the last time we drove through there I reached into the back seat for another can of Diet Dr. Pepper. Couldn’t get at it so I lifted up the little ice chest and put it on my lap. Sideways. A gallon of ice water poured onto my lap. I gasped a deeply profound gasp as my testicles froze solid into a billion tiny cryogenic Bricks. I could have fathered a city the size of Philadelphia. Instead, I turned off the air conditioner. We stopped at Wall Drugs afterward. She went looking for the animatronic dinosaur. I stood beside the car and let the hot Dakota wind blow through my pants.

The badlands, by the way, were stunning, mindblowing, primordial. Layers of history pressed into colors and layered like a cake, then carved into slow madness.
badlands-national-park

Labyrinthine maze of emoluments

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Labyrinthine maze of emoluments. I looked up at the TV at that one. Lawrence Tribe. Harvard. They talk like that at Harvard, words like labyrinthine mazes of emoluments. It spilled out of him like melted butter on scrod. I tried to say it. Stumbled. Tried again. Hurt myself. It’s going to be a rough four years.

Angelyne

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Just missed the thrill of another collision with Angelyne’s hot pink Corvette last night. Just off Sunset Blvd. She stomped a hot pink pump down on the brake too quick, though. We doglegged around her. She froze, freaked, platinum wig, pink ribbon, bright red lips in a silent scream. Dude, I yelled, we almost nailed Angelyne! I know, he said. Pretty cool, I said, we nearly splattered her hot pink ‘vette. That is pretty cool he said and kept driving. I thought to myself how my last run in with Angelyne was her cutting me off on Melrose, and me slamming on the brakes and saying to my wife wow, we nearly ran into Angelyne’s pink corvette. Pretty cool, she said…. That was a few years ago. What goes around comes around I guess.

angelyne-vette