Call me naive, but before spammed email I must confess I had no idea there was a thing called a footjob. True. It’s not that I was unfamiliar with the concept, just that I had no idea that such a thing is officially called a footjob. You look it up in one of your sleazier dictionaries and there’d it’d be: Footjob. Noun. Etc. Etc. I imagine the Oxford English Dictionary even has it as a verb. Look it up in Wikipedia. (I didn’t.) Also before spam I had no idea there were whole films of nothing but footjobs. Lots of them, a mini-industry’s worth. A couple out of work secretaries, a defrocked priest, some toe nail polish, and voila, a footjob movie. I didn’t even know that there were actresses and actors who specialized in films about footjobs. Or that one of those actors was named Brick Wahl. Who also directed them. Alas, I am unfamiliar with his work. I do know that sharing the same name has not yet led to any confusion. But someday, somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, it will. Some computer technician will ask are you THE Brick Wahl, the footjob guy? I’ll say no but, um, thank you.

And if it weren’t for spam, I would not be prepared for that at all.