(2008, I think.)

Crutches…I swear I spend so much time on those things. I am as beat up as athlete….I did a lot of physically strenuous work when at US Borax for a decade, I was the big strong guy lugging and lifting and carrying (and the chicks there loved it….sigh….)….but man does that ruin the body later. All the veteran heavy lifters warned me, they were all crippled and I would be too. They were so right.  Especially as I have always had a defective knee–part of the package deal that included epilepsy, malformed knee, general lopsidedness. I never realized they were all connected till I saw the results of my epilepsy diagnostic exam and it discussed that stuff. One fucked up hox gene will affect various things.

I thrashed that left knee dozens of time and never ever took care of it. It would come apart under me and I’d crash to the floor in excruciating pain, I mean it’s a blinding, breathtaking pain, you can’t do anything but writhe. But it would subside fairly quickly, so I would just wait a couple minutes till the pain became tolerable enough to stand again, and then go on about my business. Which was the worst possible thing to do. Eventually they had to do arthroscopic reconstruction (I was out in the clubs on crutches almost immediately….) which worked well for a long time but arthritis set in. Last time they opened it up the doctor told me it was 90-95%  destroyed already (I’d had no idea) but since then I had gotten it to the point where it was getting me up the stairs easily enough and I could walk plenty, but it feels fucked up now. This was a bad fall (a severe twist, actually, ouch) and I probably ruined it for good (I didn’t). We’ll see….but my guess is knee replacement inside a year. (Nope.) We’ll see if I can get it back in shape enough to be functional first (which I did).

You know, I’ve never paid much attention to pain. I always forget to take painkillers. Don’t like anything stronger than Tylenol or Excedrin, and even those I avoid. But maybe that’s wrong. I ought to start paying attention.

Not sure when I wrote all that, but I was obviously hurting. When I whine like that it usually means I’m in a lot of pain…. I found out later that a seizure drug I had been on for years had exacerbated the arthritis and pretty much dissolved the knee. I mentioned that to the knee surgeon. He shrugged. Que sera sera, he said. Which is as good a philosophy as any.

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