A woman and her squirrel were escorted off a Frontier Airlines flight today. She said the squirrel was for emotional support. The airline said it was a rodent. Police were called in.

I never had an emotional support squirrel. I used to talk to my plants, though. Then again, I’d talk to anything, I was so lonely. Then the plants started talking back. Water, they said. When I’m done telling this story, I said. But I never finished the story, the plants died, so now I talk to the fish in the fish tank. They talk back. Food, they say.

Meanwhile one of the neighborhood squirrels skitters along a telephone wire outside the window, not giving a flying rodent’s fuck about my emotional needs.

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