Big dude clothes

(email, 2010)

Amazing! Big dude clothes for free!‏

Attention big but not too tall dudes who are cheap:

There is a big closet full of beautiful shirts, jackets, vests and the like that Fyl’s uncle will no longer be needing (ahem).  It’s probably 15 jackets and maybe 50 shirts. We trashed the beat up stuff, and this is all fine and even unworn things. I think there’s a suit or two in there as well. And a gorgeous leather jacket. Plus some way slick vests. And I think an air force uniform even. Basically the dude had class. And liked to eat. Everything is free. That’s right….all the clothes are free. Big guy clothes are never free. There is a whole industry built on little guys gouging big guys with overpriced Pakistani clothes that look stupid and shrink instantly. But this is nice stuff. Classy stuff. And free. All ya gotta do is pick it up. The perfect gift for that sadsack in your life. A nice blazer, ya know, makes the man. Look at me. I was the guy standing outside Home Depot that no one would hire. Then I traded in my wife beaters for a sport coat and look at me now, I’m the freaking Cary Grant of jazz critics. It could happen to you, or your loser brother, or even a dumpy bass player. A whole life changing wardrobe for free. Whatever remains will provide new trombones for the San Bernardino Salvation Army band.

See ya……



A very hip restauranteur took them…we delivered them for the price of a dinner that very night. Showed up in front of his place there with armloads of the things. Dump ‘em on the floor there, he said, in front of the kitchen. So we did. It was a vast pile of clothes in plain view of all the beautiful people. Not like he cared. He started excitedly pawing through them. You’ve given me my wardrobe for the next two years! He strutted about in one of the blazers, it went well with his spattered chef’s shirt.

His girlfriend nixed the loud Hawaiian shirts. Not on your life she said, threatening arguments and withheld favors. He gave in, and off to Goodwill they went, to thrill some porcine hipster. But then what do chicks know from fashion anyway?