Miley Cyrus has turned all my friends old and grumpy. Kids these days, they keep saying, those rotten kids. But what about dressing up like Kiss and sticking out your tongue? What about strutting ass high and wiggling to Sir Mix A Lot? What about– They cut me off. That was different, they say. That wasn’t stupid? No, that was different. Then someone says twerk and they reach for their AARP cards.
I got my AARP card as soon as I turned 50, just to terrify my 40 something friends. They’d blanche, grab onto something for balance and order another drink. One in particular, a writer, cute as a bug, seemed to take it especially hard. Happy birthday she said. Yup, I’m fifty. Wow, fifty. I even got my AARP card. She laughed. No really, look. She looked at it, the smile disappeared. Oh no Brick, she said, and this look came over as she thought of all the years she’d wasted collecting stamps, to quote Rufus T. Firefly.
I didn’t laugh. I didn’t even snicker. I just waited several years and wrote this.